DISCLAIMER: This content may be offensive to some. Some readers may feel singled out or called out. This is not my intention, but rather my intention is the same as it has always been with this, my own personal blog. I share my thoughts based on my own experience - perception is everything. You may perceive things differently. That is what makes us all unique and makes the world a special, albeit sometimes difficult place to live. If you are reading this and think I am specifically talking about you, maybe I am. Or maybe I am speaking from an amalgamation of you and many other people I've met throughout my life. This is not exactly a fun one to write, but these are some things that are on my mind that 1) I feel need to be said and 2) may help others as it helps me simply by "getting it off my chest." I don't take to accusations or bullying. But I do sometimes tell it like it is. And, admittedly, I could easily be writing about myself as well. Please don't send me hate messages. I also had a friend help me with this one.
I consider myself an advocate and someone who fights for the underdog - for the underserved, underprivileged, and often unnoticed. I have spoken across the country on anything from mental illness, to Epilepsy awareness, to Autism. And one thing I won't stand for is bullying. But, what bothers me most is when bullying comes from a place that is made to look normal. I will explain this as I go on.
As someone who suffers from mental illness myself, I have a lot of tolerance for people suffering from such. I can sympathize and empathize with them. I can relate to them. I can identify with them. Without going into specifically what my pathological condition is, I think it goes without saying that part of it is Chronic Depression. Others that fall into this state of mental illness include but are not limited to, manic depression, suicidal ideation, Bipolar Disorder, personality disorder(s), schizophrenia. There is still such a stigma about many of these that some folks often categorize these people as "crazy." Clearly, that is an unfair assessment.
But, how often do people use their mental illness as an excuse to treat people poorly? For example, do we use the excuse of "I'm sorry, I just lost it (with the insinuation that because of our mental condition, we couldn't control ourselves)?" Or, do you only mention your borderline personality disorder when it makes your shitty behavior look acceptable? I know I for one have fallen victim to the mentality of thinking my condition excuses my behavior. This is not true. Our condition may facilitate or even encourage our behavior, but we need to take some personal ownership of our behavior while treating our condition as to not "lose control" of our actions.
Or, from another standpoint, do we use the illness of others to our benefit to make excuses, once again for our pisspoor behavior? Sometimes it can be really easy to draw attention to the mental instability of a family member to ensure fewer eyes are on us and the terrible things we are doing.
We all have our proverbial crosses to bear. We all have things going on in our lives that we don't talk about. No one is exempt from drama, and general challenges in life. We may think Richard Cunningham next door has it made - no problems at all. But I'm telling you, he has problems too. And, if you were to really get into his mind, or talk to him enough to find out, you may learn that your problem pales in comparison to his.
Let us go back to my previous post about kindness. Why is it so much easier to be mean than it is to be kind? Is it really easier? If it's not easier, why does it so often seem to be the first place folks go. If kindness is so much easier, why doesn't everyone go that route? Well, I think there are situations in life wherein it might be easier to be kind and others wherein it might be easier to be mean. For example, I sometimes get extremely frustrated that no one listens to me unless I yell, and then everyone wants to think about what an asshole I am. But, what got me to that point? No one listening. Does that justify my actions? No. Does it negate the problem of no one listening? No.
So, do people really use their mental illness as an excuse to be a shitty person? I don't think so. But, do they sometimes use it to treat people poorly? Absolutely. But this doesn't make them a shitty person. Should we see what I'm talking about? Take, for instance, a gorgeous guy with some form of personality disorder. This average looking girl really likes him, they hit it off as friends. She decides she wants more than friendship and he leads her on until all of a sudden, he doesn't want to lead her on anymore. He then, masking it, admits to having a personality disorder and then a day or so later explains how he isn't interested in her like that at all. And that he was never trying to lead her on. But, the evidence clearly shows that is exactly what he is doing. In this scenario, I would say he is using that as an excuse to be terrible to people. Maybe not even consciously.
Maybe with some introspection, this gorgeous guy will see the error of his ways. Maybe these 2 will end up together or maybe not. That could lead-in to a long topic for a future blog entry - everyone comes into our life for a reason.
Ask yourself- am I masking my true personality? Am I using my condition to excuse my bad behavior? Am I treating others poorly and then blaming my condition? Or, on the converse, am I judging someone else because of their condition? Am I abandoning someone I claim to love because living with their mental illness is suddenly too much?
In asking these, it's important to remember both sides of the coin. It's not easy living with a mental illness. But let's be honest, living with someone who has a mental illness is no walk in the park either. I think it's more like a midnight sprint through a graveyard.
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