Thursday, January 1, 2015

The year is now offically 2015

It is now officially 2015. I will try to avoid the cliché New Year's post. Namely, I will try to not make this all about "resolutions." But honestly, with the new year beginning, we are getting older, and the world is at least one year closer to the Apocalypse. There are plenty of people who, like myself (realists mind you, not necessarily pessimists), can find plenty of negative in the beginning of a new year. So, celebrating the new year with resolutions can be very positive and uplifting, however cliché that might be.

Every year it seems I struggle to set new goals or resolutions. Mostly because I know how likely I am to not actually achieve said goal. Which leads to one of my goals for 2015, but I'll discuss that later. Another reason I have a hard time with this is because any self-proclaimed life coach or resolution aficionado (if there is such thing) will tell you that your goal must be specific. While I like to consider myself one with impeccable attention to detail, I am about as specific as a gun is subtle.

I've been trying to decide what word would best describe 2014 and I can't think of one. I can't say it was a hard year, because it seems every year has some hard parts, just like every year has good parts too.

The year did start our quite rough. Some of you who follow my blog may know, others may not, as I've not made this particular time in my life public, but, I spent the last part of 2013/first part of 2014 in the hospital with severe depression. It all started with my having what seemed to be seizures, but all tests revealed they weren't actually seizures, but rather stress-induced blackouts. In short, a lot of stress in my life, combined with anxiety and depression led me to a nervous breakdown of sorts, and, eventually, hospitalization. At first, I was extremely mad at Ariana for taking me to the hospital because after getting admitted, I felt like I was being punished for something that was no fault of my own. After a few days, while I was still not happy to be there, I realized that she took me there out of genuine love and concern and I was grateful to have someone who cared that much.

Creating a blog has been a great thing for me, personally. Getting my thoughts "down on paper" so to speak, has really helped me to come to terms with my own feelings. Whether or not anyone actually reads my blog or gets anything at all from it is irrelevant. However, I hope that each post will help someone in some way or another. As I have written down my thoughts and feelings, I have discovered more about myself and who I am, as well as who I want to be. In everyday situations, I think of things that I can put down in my blog and share what I have learned from it.

From 2005 to 2007 I served a mission for the LDS church in Ukraine. In speaking with my mission president one time, I received some guidance from him about how hard I am on myself. He said that we are all told not to judge others and to be patient with one another. But, what some of us (myself included) tend to forget is that we also need to be patient with ourselves. I set high expectations for myself and when I don't achieve them, I think of myself as a failure. When we set expectations of ourselves so high and judge ourselves according to said expectations, we often use that same scale with others. Sometimes the more we judge ourselves, the more we judge others.

My resolutions seem simple enough, seeing as they aren't specific. But they are goals within myself that I can measure. In 2015 I will blog more often. I will be more understanding of others. I will always remind myself that this "battle of life" isn't my own to fight; I truly believe that there isn't a single one of us who is completely alone on this journey. I will start trusting others again. I will be kinder and more patient with those closest to me; it is always easier to lash out at those closest to us when times get rough. I will be a better example to those around me. I will work harder in my professional life. I will seek and strive for new opportunities for growth and development.

My wish for everyone is that 2015 will be a year of great opportunity, love and success. May we all reach for and obtain that which we desire most. And, may we all be a better person today than we were yesterday, and even better tomorrow than we were today.

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