It has been a longtime since I last "blogged." I still hate that word, but whataya do...
Anyone who knows me knows that I am very opinionated and will openly share my opinion, sometimes not I need the best forums. And, sometimes I offend. I don't apologize for my opinions, but I do apologize for coming across as very abrasive. I often use Facebook as my medium for expressing my ever-growing opinions. I like using Facebook and/or Twitter because it allows me to reach a large audience at once and get input from my friends and family. The downside is, feelings and expressions don't come across that way, much like this medium as well.
I sometimes (far too often) says things that make it sound or look like I am "ripping someone apart." But, in the same conversation in-person, one could easily see that I'm either being sarcastic, stirring the pot, or honestly seeking further conversation. That being said, there are definitely times where I was less-than-pleased with someone's response, but that isn't always the case.
I'm really not angry person. I love life and love the interactions I have with people. But, it seems that right now more than ever, there are so many things going on in the world, in our society, and even in our families that just bring out my opinions.
In general, I don't trust a lot of people anymore, I used to trust a lot. Too many people I've known, trusted and respected have done things that affected me either directly or indirectly, and have caused me to definitely step back from trusting people so much. It hurts to lose that respect for someone, much like it does to have someone lose their respect for you. But, what hurts the most is my desire to be a part of something, but feeling like I have to shut people out because I can't give anyone my full trust anymore. I no longer connect or add co-workers to my Facebook friends list. I stopped running and eventually left all together a neighborhood Facebook page.
The problem is that I shut people out, but hurt myself the most. I write things on Facebook in ways that it seems I don't care what you think about me. But, in reality, I do. I do too much, I'm afraid. I compare myself to the successes of others in such a way that I don't like social gatherings because they'll see how much better they are than me at this, how much bigger and better their house is. How much better their college was. The flaws I see in myself, I fear others will see in me. Whether they really do see them or even care, I'll never know.
So, I short, I want to apologize to everyone around me whom I may have offended, or angered, or annoyed. I know that I have many strong opinions, and I stand behind those. But we do live in a society and should be able to co-exist. I never intended to alienate or offend. But sometimes, that is the collateral damage of expressing opinions.
Please forgive any grammar or misspellings. It's now almost 1 am and I am typing this on a tablet. Hopefully my next post will be sooner than this one.