Thursday, January 2, 2014

A Life of Questions and Inadequacy

If one was to put all of their money on a certain reason as to why so many average Joes like myself feel so inferior, or insignificant in the world, what would you put your money on?

I'm not a betting man, and never really have been. And, further, I don't really know what makes everyone else tick, but, I think for me, the biggest issue is my constantly comparing myself to others. I see other people who I grew up with finishing (or finished with) law school or medical school. Or, ones who have several kids. Or, live in a cooler place in bigger house, have a nicer car. And the list could go on and on and on and on. 

Why is it that people such as myself feel that way? I know I'm not the only one. So, where does it come from? Is this something we let Society do to us? Is it something we have control over? Are we just really that vain? I don't even think this song is about me!

Isn't vanity based solely on physical, or monetary things? If that is the case, then this isn't just a sense of vanity in myself. Because I feel inferior going to simple things like weddings. Because I feel like "he is going to be such a better husband and provider to her." Or, "they are so much happier than we are." Or, we'll go to parties and so very many people will show up. Then I'll throw a party and only a handful will show up even though I invited a ton. I guess in a sense, popularity can be a vain thing. But what about feeling inadequate & assuming someone else is going to be a better husband or father than I am? Shouldn't these things just make one want to do better themselves? You would think so. But instead, at least with me, it gets to a point where I just realize that I can't ever compare. So why keep trying?

Is maybe that why I want to be a famous actor? I already do acting on the side. Why is that not enough? Do I really need everyone to see that I am so successful? Do I need to have a mansion in the Hollywood Hills? Actually, I would love that. Does that make me a bad person? Because I have also always said that I want to make enough money to open my own foundation where I can help those who are less fortunate in some way or another. Of all celebrities, whether they are actors, singers, business people, whatever, the ones I truly admire and look up to are the ones who have done something for others. Look at the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, for example. Sure, Mr. Gates is worth tens of billions of dollars and has a 42,000+ square foot house, but he also started and still runs one of the largest privately funded foundations in the world. Could he do more? Sure. But at least he is doing something.

All that being said, why do I constantly feel the need to compare myself to others? Why do I look at someone like Taylor Swift who is 5 years younger than I am, and is worth over $200,000,000 and has her own jet, and wonder why I can't be successful? I don't know the answer. I also don't know why I have such a hard time not comparing myself to others. But I do know that if I could learn to not do that, I would definitely be much happier.


  1. Good advice! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  2. when you find the secret let me know. I do the same thing and constantly feel that who I am and what I have done contributes so very little to society or the community. You tell your self not to compare and you are not those people, but those thoughts still show up and dominate the mind.

    1. Thanks for sharing that, Ryan! I would've had no idea that you feel like you don't contribute to society or the community. For one thing, you are an awesome neighbor, member of the ward, and one of my favorite people. If I figure out a way to not compare myself, I will definitely let you know.